The Monkey Theory Read online

  This monkey actually wants to be a high-achieving go-getter. He wants to be the best version of himself in everything. What he wants from life depends on his thinking. There are a few people for whom success is top priority, a few who accord the highest priority to relationships and there are others who prioritise peace and happiness. Based on what the person wants, this monkey operates accordingly.

  The Human Monkey faces stiff competition from the other three.

  Human behaviour actually depends on the monkey that is most active at that point of time. For example, if a person is on his way to an interview and is too scared to recall anything at that moment, we can conclude that the Fear Monkey is dominant at that point of time. By the time the person reaches the interview, he is able to calm himself. This is on account of the situation being brought under control by the Human Monkey. Similarly, there may be times when the P-Monkey or the Drunk Monkey is active.

  Understanding the Monkeys Better

  In a manner of speaking, all human beings have evolved from monkeys. In fact, in some ways, we could still claim to possess the mind of a monkey. This analogy sounds slightly humorous, but it is actually quite important. Research has proven that humans have around 50,000 separate thoughts each day. Many of them are around the same topic. And when we think of something repeatedly, it results in confusion, indecisiveness, procrastination, fear and anxiety.

  In our troubled human world, 70 per cent of those 50,000 thoughts are about the fears and pressures of day-to-day life. Life often has this tendency to wear us down. Being frustrated with life is a normal state of being for many.

  Thoughts like, ‘What will happen if I lose my job? What will happen if my partner leaves me? What if this client doesn’t pay on time? Will the audience make fun of me? What will happen when I retire? What if I lose money? What will they think about me?’ are fears that constantly harass us. Often, these are made out to be much bigger than they actually are due to our constant harping on them. How infuriating, energy-consuming, exhausting it all becomes at some point! Really tiring, right?

  Now, imagine each thought as a branch. Your attention is the monkey that keeps swinging from one thought-branch to the other. Your attention, that is, the monkey in your head, confuses you by swinging from branch to branch within a fraction of a second. It can quickly induce fear, anger, love, jealousy and bring your ego into any situation.

  Because of how our thoughts keep jumping from branch to branch, a lot of our energy goes into fire-fighting. Quite literally, we are swinging from one thought-branch to another before settling on one. These thoughts of fear, insecurity, ego, and pride take a toll on the body, leading to chronic stress.

  In You Can Heal Your Life , Louise Hay says that our thoughts are in fact responsible for many of our physical ailments. One way to cope with this is to understand that there is a difference between us and our thoughts. Seriously, you are not your thoughts. You are more, much, much more.

  How then do we control our thoughts? Quite simply, by controlling our monkeys.

  In this book, we will master just that. We will learn to train our Human Monkey to control the other three. Undoubtedly, the Human Monkey wants to achieve more. Stress out less. Love more. Criticise less. But the others don’t let him get on with what he wishes to achieve. This book is about how the Human Monkey can make sure his goals are fulfilled.

  What This Book Will Do for You

  Through this book, you will learn how to tame these monkeys. You will learn to recognise who has hijacked your confidence in that moment of self-doubt. If you are afraid to take that first step and do something new, who’s stopping you? If you can’t seem to decide on what to wear, which monkey is confusing you? After you read this book, you will have answers to all these questions and more.

  I have devised some techniques to help you. I will teach you how to feed cherries to these monkeys. I will introduce you to the Eagle of Wisdom that can save the Human Monkey. You will understand how the Candle of Hope will help your surpass every problem on your way to where you want to be.

  I will also take you to the Purple Island. On the Purple Island, bad monkeys are inoperative. That means you can do what YOU want to, rather than what the monkeys want. But how do you get there? Is it that easy? If yes, then everybody would have, right? Why is this island purple? All these questions will be answered.

  I will also draw your attention to the Box of Guilt, which takes away your peace.

  And lastly, I will reveal the encrypted message that the Human Monkey keeps seeing all around but doesn’t quite understand.

  The message: ‘nay ady acn eb het alts yad!’

  Let’s begin the journey!

  This message is the gist of book. See if you can solve it. Otherwise wait and read on…

  The Rich Man’s Wives

  A few months ago, I was watching a documentary on the Buddha. It was about a tale that the Buddha had supposedly narrated to his students. I hope it offers you the same perspective that it gave me.

  The story stresses the value of good emotions, good memories, good karma and good thought processes. It talks about how these are the only things that matter. Everything else is temporary. But the unfortunate truth is that what’s most important is the most ignored too!

  In ancient times, it was very common for men to have more than one wife. An old man, who had four wives, lay on his deathbed. Knowing he was going to die soon, he called his fourth wife, whom he loved very much, to his bedside. For many years, he had indulged this wife the most. He had got her the best jewellery, the most expensive clothes and had given her the best of everything. He loved her, she loved him and they were always together.

  He called her and asked, ‘I want you to accompany me after I die. Will you come with me?’

  She replied, ‘What?! What are you saying? I love you very much, but I can’t come with you. I am sorry.’

  His heart broke. He couldn’t believe her words. He thought to himself: ‘I gave her the best of everything, but she ditched me in the end!’

  In grief and despair he sent word to his third wife. She was second in his affections and he had done a great deal for her too.

  ‘I want you to accompany me after I die. Will you come with me?’ he asked.

  She replied, ‘How can you expect that? I can’t come along and in any case, I have decided that after you die, I … I am … going to marry someone else! Sorry!’

  This shocked him again. He had given her considerable attention, had indulged her and yet here she was, betraying him in his hour of need.

  Now, he sent word to his second wife and asked her the same question. He had shared all personal matters with her and she was very close to him. To his dismay, she too gave him a similar reply. She said she could come with him up to the cemetery, but not beyond.

  Finally, the man’s last hope was his first wife. He had always misbehaved with her, had never given her any importance, or valued her and hadn’t done anything special for her. He had always taken her for granted. She had always been his last priority. He felt ashamed and guilty to even ask her to accompany him. But he did so anyway.

  Guiltily, he asked her, ‘I am almost dying and leaving this world. I don’t want to go alone. Will you accompany me?’

  She said, ‘Of course, I will come with you, my dear. I will be there with you forever.’

  Tears welled up in the old man’s eyes. He couldn’t believe how much she cared for him.

  He said, ‘My dear, I have always ignored you. You looked poor and miserable in front of the other three. I never realised that it was only you who loved me truly and selflessly. I wish I had taken more care of you.’

  This beautiful analogy of the four wives was explained thus by Lord Buddha:

  Every person has four wives/husbands.

  The fourth wife symbolises our body and its cravings. We work on our body and its beauty and do almost everything to keep it beautiful, but it leaves us the moment we die!

  The third wi
fe symbolises our material wealth (money, property, jewellery etc.), that will go to someone else after we die.

  The second wife symbolises our relationships that can’t accompany us beyond the grave.

  The first wife symbolises our mind, deeds and actions. Always with us, but remains unnoticed. It is the most important one, but is ignored and something that one often realises only towards the end of one’s life.

  Now, the question that struck me was, ‘If the mind is so important, why don’t we spend time with it? Why don’t we nourish and develop it?’ Most of us find it really difficult to handle the mind. We find it difficult to handle our own emotions. Sometimes, our own emotions make our life miserable. I am sure this happens to all of us. The mind can be our best friend or our worst foe. A lot depends on how we handle it.

  Here is an example. In the illustration below, the boy wants to study and focus on his work. But the monkeys keep chattering among themselves, causing him to lose focus.

  Sometimes, he gets excited about the ‘60% OFF’ SMS he’s got. At other times, he is worried about being handsome enough and hence, jittery about confessing his love to his crush. At other times, he is worried about qualifying for the cricket team and every now and then, he is tempted to order pizza even though it goes against his fitness resolution.

  This ‘mental noise’ does not allow him to perform at his best.

  ‘Mental noise’ is the constant chatter of the mind that never stops. It is the inner conversation or the inner monologue that is constant. It analyses everything about our life, circumstances, and the people we meet.

  In the introduction, we spoke about the four monkeys we are going to deal with: the P-Monkey, the Drunk Monkey, the Fear Monkey and the Human Monkey. The P-Monkey, the Drunk Monkey and the Fear Monkey prevent us from working towards our goal by affecting us negatively. Further in this book, you will see how the P-Monkey finds an excuse for leisure while the Drunk Monkey pops up according to whatever cocktail he has just had. The Fear Monkey on his part raises our cortisol levels. These monkeys sometimes work alone and sometimes in tandem with each other. Amidst all this, the poor Human Monkey almost always loses the battle. Whether alone or together, they prove to be roadblocks.

  Let us consider the following scenarios.

  Scenario I

  Two years ago, I wanted to get up every morning and just go to the gym straightaway. But this constant conversation in my head almost made me lose the battle of waking up early.

  Human Monkey: Sfurti, let’s go to the gym!

  P- Monkey: No, it’s raining today! What if you get sick? No, it’s better to exercise at home.

  Human Monkey: Every day, you come up with some excuse or the other, Sfurti. Now it’s time to go!

  P- Monkey: Oh, it’s too late now, it’s already 7.45 a.m. and there will be traffic on the road. If you are late for work today, your boss will kill you. Tomorrow, you can get up early and go to the gym.

  Human Monkey: Okay, let’s at least exercise here at home then.

  P- Monkey: But you like doing it with music and if you play music now, everyone will get disturbed!

  Human Monkey: Then let’s do yoga silently!

  P- Monkey: Oh, yoga, that’s too boring! You need some rush while exercising!

  By this time, you are already late and you have to get to work quickly.

  The P-Monkey wins.

  Desired result: Exercise and weight loss.

  Actual result: Sleep and weight gain.

  Let me try and show you how these monkeys often work in tandem. Here is an example of how the monkeys work together to paralyse us.

  Scenario II

  Karan wants to study as he knows it’s important for him to finish his History syllabus quickly. Observe how all the monkeys inside Karan’s head interact.

  Human Monkey: We will focus on our work for next two hours.

  P-Monkey: Pooja must have posted last night’s party pictures on Instagram. Why don’t you just check it out and get back to your studies? After all, it’ll only take a minute!

  Human Monkey: No, we did the same thing last time and got lost in the deadly world of social media.

  Drunk Monkey: Go, check it out. Just promise yourself that you will get back to studying in exactly one minute.

  After checking the post:

  Drunk Monkey: Why has Nihar commented on this picture … that means he must like her … what if they start dating, what will you do?

  Fear Monkey: Quick, just call her and take her out a movie today!

  And in the end, Karan loses focus, and despite wanting to study, he doesn’t.

  The wild monkeys win.

  Desired result: Finish studying History.

  Actual result: Going for a movie. No significant progress in studies.

  Scenario III

  Alex wants to finish a critical work assignment before the deadline. He is tired but knows that the assignment is critical. Late in the night, after returning home from a hard day’s work, he is seated at the table in his bedroom.

  After ten minutes:

  Something inside his head says, ‘You are tired. Why don’t you sit on the bed and work?’

  After another ten minutes:

  ‘Why don’t you put a pillow behind your head to give it more support?’

  Another ten minutes:

  ‘Sit comfortably. Stretch your legs.’

  Another ten minutes:

  ‘It’s getting cold … go get a blanket.’

  Ten minutes later, Alex gently slides into the blanket. The presentations and reports are undone on the laptop. The laptop slips into sleep mode while Alex moves onto dreamland.

  After six hours:

  ‘Oh My God! I wanted to finish these reports last night. Why the hell did I sleep? I am such a useless person!’

  Sounds familiar?

  How many of us decide to do something and then don’t do it? This leads to precipitation of guilt. This thick layer of guilt leads to lack of self-belief. To put it simply, the person stops believing that he is worth something. Before getting into the book, there is something you need to know: what is stored in your Box of Guilt.

  A lot of people want to do several things in their lives but not all of them are able to. The reason is their inability to control their minds. In my first book, Think and Win Like Dhoni , I talked about how it was Dhoni’s mind and his ability to control it that made all the difference. But how many of us can actually do that? It is easy to say but difficult to implement. Find out why!

  Now, let’s take a peek into the Box of Guilt!

  Box of Guilt: A box full of all the regrets and unwanted activities that you really want to avoid.

  Look at the questions below and answer them truthfully.

  Why didn’t I exercise today?

  Why didn’t I study?

  Why am I spending so much time on YouTube?

  Why am I spending so much money, why can’t I save?

  Why am I eating junk food?

  Why didn’t I handle the situation peacefully?

  For many people, these might appear to be simple questions. For many others, these questions could be troublesome. Their Box of Guilt is a big, big one with plenty of regrets stored in it, some of them very fundamental.

  Reality Check: What is in your Box of Guilt?

  During a motivational lecture, I requested members of the audience to write down all the things they thought they could have done but couldn’t because of their own actions and inaction.

  An engineer spoke of how he couldn’t do well in his medical entrance exam because he was too indisciplined and lazy. He was forced to go into engineering thereafter and didn’t like it. It seemed to me that the P-Monkey had curtailed his Human Monkey from doing its best.

  Another person spoke of his temper issues and relationship problems. His behaviour was unpredictable and his mood swings often got the better of him. His Drunk Monkey appeared to be very active.

  People came up with many such guilt
s. Obviously, we cannot wallow in guilt forever. But the first step to getting rid of it is to realise which monkey was the culprit. This will give us a better understanding and set us free from this guilt!

  The past is of course, irredeemable. But, our future lies ahead of us. Gearing up to beat our monkeys by making it a point to stick to our schedules, following a super-disciplined routine and remaining focused on our goals to achieve the maximum is critical.

  Introspection Time

  Let’s start afresh. Let’s write down everything that make us feel guilty or inferior sometimes. Having done that, identify which monkey was responsible for ruining things in the past. (Example: not clearing an entrance exam, not being a great public speaker, unstable mind/indecisive nature, lack of confidence, arguing with colleagues at work and so on.)

  These were the ‘achievements’ of our monkeys.

  Now, let’s list down the things that we actually want to achieve! What results do we want? Together, we will make sure our monkeys don’t ruin things this time around.

  Once you have finished, let’s get down to knowing our monkeys better and in that process, know ourselves better!

  Points to Remember

  The human mind is full of monkeys. They are the reason for your sudden mood swings.

  The Fear Monkey constantly reminds you of all the things that could go wrong.

  The Drunk Monkey exhibits unpredictable behaviour.

  The P-Monkey tells you why it is not a good idea to do this job right now.

  The Human Monkey attempts to move ahead inspite of distractions from the other monkeys.

  Thoughts trouble the human mind and are often the main source of disease in the human body.

  It is important to understand these monkeys to move ahead and deal with them smartly.